2014's 5 Worst Movies
So, before I present to you my 5 least favorite movies of 2014, let me clear some things up. I normally don't watch movies that I know are bad only to complete a "worst movies of the year" list. Transformers and 3 Days to Kill are the only movies here that I did deliberately watch just to see how bad they would be. I wouldn't go see The Amazing Spider-Man 2, but as a DC fan who has a friend who prefers Marvel, it was just another bad movie that I was made to watch. Transcedence had received poor reviews but, as a fan of Pfister's filmography, I was hoping they were made out of bad judgment (like Interstellar's and Inception's score of 74/100 on Metacritic or Se7en's score of 65/100 on the same website). And, finally, the Judge...
5)Transcendence When this movie came out on Blu-Ray, I thought it was time to watch it so I find out if it really was that bad. Turns out, it was. But the thing is I am sure there are numerous other movies that deserve to be on this spot. The real reason that this movie is on this list is that I didn't watch so many bad movies this year. Not that I liked. I just found it more boring than bad.
Rating: 60/100
4)3 Days to Kill This movie was just dumb. I am not even going to address the whole "I have a cure for cancer" thing. But why the hell did they have to copy the only bad aspect of Homeland? The annoying as fuck daughter! I am a huge Kevin Costner fan, I've always been supporting him when someone said that he isn't at all talented and I was happy to see that he proved me right with his performance in Man of Steel (another great movie which was awarded a shitty 55/100 score on Metacritic). So I was hoping to find that movie cliche, unoriginal but still entertaining. The problem was the daughter, the cancer and the bad dialogue. In the end, it was one of those movies that have absolutely nothing to offer. Even Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit was more fun and interesting and it's a shame, cause Costner had less screen time in that one.
Rating: 52/100
3)The Amazing Spider-Man 2 A week before this movie came out, my aforementioned Marvel-fan friend was telling me how awesome it was going to be and how much better Marvel is to DC in terms of QUALITY (ha, yeah right!). So if i was eager about one thing, it was to prove him wrong once again. Fortunately, the new Spider-Man movie made my mission a piece of cake. The laughable action sequences, the whole Parker's parents story, especially that underground lab (oh god!), once again too many villains who don't have the time to be introduced properly and, above all, the dialogue! If i had to give credit to this movie for one thing, it would be the Andrew Garfield-Emma Stone dynamic, but, you know, they're dating... At the time, I was convinced that this was the worst movie I was going to see that year. It wasn't, but it was still wasted time and money. Well, we'll see how that Sony-Marvel deal it's going to play out, though you all know it is just a plan to raise the box office numbers now that the DCU has started (I can't wait for Batfleck, Leto's Joker, Harley Quinn's first live action incarnation, the whole Suicide Squad movie and, of course, Momoa's Aquaman!!!!!). Besides, it has only been 2 years since the last Spider-man reboot. Took them long enough...
Rating: 45/100 (it would be much worse if it weren't for Stacy's death)
2) Transformers: Age of Extinction You know what? I was going to name this movie the most awful movie of the year. But as I started typing, I realized that this isn't the worst movie of the year. For me, personally, that movie was really unpleasant, but is isn't the movie that made me write this list. I mean, it is a Michael Bay movie, it has all the Michael -Bay-isms you've come to expect (copyrights for this word belong to Honest Trailers!) and it is as bad as you knew it would be the moment you stepped inside the cinema. The explosions-film duration ratio is 1explosion per 1attosecond, but you wouldn't have it any other way and you know it. The dialogue is... well, it's inexcusable. The action is non-stop at the point you don't know who is fighting who anymore. It has so many villains, I can't even remember the faces, the Decepticons are back, because they wouldn't have enough villains to make the next movie (ha) and it can only be described as an awful movie. But, this isn't the movie I really wanna talk about.
Rating: 40/100
1)The Judge Oh God, why did I see this movie? I hate Robert Downey Jr. (although I liked Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and loved Zodiac) and I like Robert Duvall's old movies (The Godfather, duh, The Conversation, Apocalypse Now, again duh) but I wouldn't go watch a movie jsut because of him. I also like Vera Farmiga (mostly The Departed, Source Code and The Conjuring, but even in Up in the Air her performance was amazing) but she isn't the reason I watched this movie either. Maybe I just wanted to see if Robert Downey Jr. was playing a remotely different character from his previous endeavours the past decade (Harry Lockhart, Tony Stark, Sherlock, Peter Highman and - apparently - Hank Palmer are all the same egoistic but in fact caring human beings who just hide their true fealings because they doesn't know how to express them and at the end of the movie they understand what trully matters in life and blah blah blah, you know the drill). What people say for Michael Bay fits perfectly in this situation. He may be good at his job, but he never even tried to prove it. Anyway, the movie starts and we see some flowers RDJ's Hank waters and that's the first clue that he acts like someone who doesn't like people (flowers>people, cliche count=1). We only see his wife for some second, apparently a tophy wife and they don't seem to get along (the initials CC stand for cliche count and I am saying that cause you are going to see them A LOT. He gets to the courthouse, a poorly-written dialogue between him and the prosecutor informs the viewer that only guilty people hire him and off we go. His mother is dead so he returns to the family house, where he sees his father (the titular Judge). They haven't talked for years (CC=2), he also has a low IQ brother for comedy relief (CC=3) and he visits a bar and almost has sex with the young bartender. He also had a girlfriend back in the day (Sam) and soon he fnds out the young bartender is this ex-girlfriend's daughter (CC=4). He does the math and understands that the young one is also his daughter (CC=5). Sam confesses (CC=6), but the screenwriters thought the movie hadn't enough twists so i turns out she is his brother's daughter, with whom Sam had sex possibly some hours after she had sex with Hank (CC=7). Meanwhile, father and son get along(CC=8). Hank begins to understand that life in a small town isn't as bad as he always thought (CC=9), so he decides to bring his daughter. The grandpa is a jerk to his son, but a sweetheart to his granddaughter (CC=10). Hank's other brother was a great football player and the audince finds out that Hank was driving when a car accident prevented the brother from following a football carrier (because reasons, CC=11). Father is once again angry with Hank (CC=12). They make up (CC=13). The Judge is sentenced to four years in prison. but gets out after seven months. The unexpected part (and not in a good way) is that we never find out is the Judge actually commited the murder he is accused of commiting (oh yeah, i forgot to mention that, like it matters...). The Judge answers his son's previous question about the best lawyer he ever met (you can figure out the answer yourselves, CC=14) and dies (CC=15). The final scene depicts Hank visiting the courtroom where the judge worked, which might mean that he is going to stay there and become the new judge, but I won't count it as a cliche because it isn't clear enough. And that, is the reason this entire list exists. What's even worse is that Duvall was nominated for an Oscar. And, if you were reading one of those "brutally honest" interviews that The Hollywood Reporter featured the week before the Academy Awards, you know that one member of the Academy voted for Duvall, because "Even in a bad picture, he held his own".... They also used to be classmates....).
Rating: 35/100
5)Transcendence When this movie came out on Blu-Ray, I thought it was time to watch it so I find out if it really was that bad. Turns out, it was. But the thing is I am sure there are numerous other movies that deserve to be on this spot. The real reason that this movie is on this list is that I didn't watch so many bad movies this year. Not that I liked. I just found it more boring than bad.
Rating: 60/100
4)3 Days to Kill This movie was just dumb. I am not even going to address the whole "I have a cure for cancer" thing. But why the hell did they have to copy the only bad aspect of Homeland? The annoying as fuck daughter! I am a huge Kevin Costner fan, I've always been supporting him when someone said that he isn't at all talented and I was happy to see that he proved me right with his performance in Man of Steel (another great movie which was awarded a shitty 55/100 score on Metacritic). So I was hoping to find that movie cliche, unoriginal but still entertaining. The problem was the daughter, the cancer and the bad dialogue. In the end, it was one of those movies that have absolutely nothing to offer. Even Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit was more fun and interesting and it's a shame, cause Costner had less screen time in that one.
Rating: 52/100
3)The Amazing Spider-Man 2 A week before this movie came out, my aforementioned Marvel-fan friend was telling me how awesome it was going to be and how much better Marvel is to DC in terms of QUALITY (ha, yeah right!). So if i was eager about one thing, it was to prove him wrong once again. Fortunately, the new Spider-Man movie made my mission a piece of cake. The laughable action sequences, the whole Parker's parents story, especially that underground lab (oh god!), once again too many villains who don't have the time to be introduced properly and, above all, the dialogue! If i had to give credit to this movie for one thing, it would be the Andrew Garfield-Emma Stone dynamic, but, you know, they're dating... At the time, I was convinced that this was the worst movie I was going to see that year. It wasn't, but it was still wasted time and money. Well, we'll see how that Sony-Marvel deal it's going to play out, though you all know it is just a plan to raise the box office numbers now that the DCU has started (I can't wait for Batfleck, Leto's Joker, Harley Quinn's first live action incarnation, the whole Suicide Squad movie and, of course, Momoa's Aquaman!!!!!). Besides, it has only been 2 years since the last Spider-man reboot. Took them long enough...
Rating: 45/100 (it would be much worse if it weren't for Stacy's death)
2) Transformers: Age of Extinction You know what? I was going to name this movie the most awful movie of the year. But as I started typing, I realized that this isn't the worst movie of the year. For me, personally, that movie was really unpleasant, but is isn't the movie that made me write this list. I mean, it is a Michael Bay movie, it has all the Michael -Bay-isms you've come to expect (copyrights for this word belong to Honest Trailers!) and it is as bad as you knew it would be the moment you stepped inside the cinema. The explosions-film duration ratio is 1explosion per 1attosecond, but you wouldn't have it any other way and you know it. The dialogue is... well, it's inexcusable. The action is non-stop at the point you don't know who is fighting who anymore. It has so many villains, I can't even remember the faces, the Decepticons are back, because they wouldn't have enough villains to make the next movie (ha) and it can only be described as an awful movie. But, this isn't the movie I really wanna talk about.
Rating: 40/100
1)The Judge Oh God, why did I see this movie? I hate Robert Downey Jr. (although I liked Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and loved Zodiac) and I like Robert Duvall's old movies (The Godfather, duh, The Conversation, Apocalypse Now, again duh) but I wouldn't go watch a movie jsut because of him. I also like Vera Farmiga (mostly The Departed, Source Code and The Conjuring, but even in Up in the Air her performance was amazing) but she isn't the reason I watched this movie either. Maybe I just wanted to see if Robert Downey Jr. was playing a remotely different character from his previous endeavours the past decade (Harry Lockhart, Tony Stark, Sherlock, Peter Highman and - apparently - Hank Palmer are all the same egoistic but in fact caring human beings who just hide their true fealings because they doesn't know how to express them and at the end of the movie they understand what trully matters in life and blah blah blah, you know the drill). What people say for Michael Bay fits perfectly in this situation. He may be good at his job, but he never even tried to prove it. Anyway, the movie starts and we see some flowers RDJ's Hank waters and that's the first clue that he acts like someone who doesn't like people (flowers>people, cliche count=1). We only see his wife for some second, apparently a tophy wife and they don't seem to get along (the initials CC stand for cliche count and I am saying that cause you are going to see them A LOT. He gets to the courthouse, a poorly-written dialogue between him and the prosecutor informs the viewer that only guilty people hire him and off we go. His mother is dead so he returns to the family house, where he sees his father (the titular Judge). They haven't talked for years (CC=2), he also has a low IQ brother for comedy relief (CC=3) and he visits a bar and almost has sex with the young bartender. He also had a girlfriend back in the day (Sam) and soon he fnds out the young bartender is this ex-girlfriend's daughter (CC=4). He does the math and understands that the young one is also his daughter (CC=5). Sam confesses (CC=6), but the screenwriters thought the movie hadn't enough twists so i turns out she is his brother's daughter, with whom Sam had sex possibly some hours after she had sex with Hank (CC=7). Meanwhile, father and son get along(CC=8). Hank begins to understand that life in a small town isn't as bad as he always thought (CC=9), so he decides to bring his daughter. The grandpa is a jerk to his son, but a sweetheart to his granddaughter (CC=10). Hank's other brother was a great football player and the audince finds out that Hank was driving when a car accident prevented the brother from following a football carrier (because reasons, CC=11). Father is once again angry with Hank (CC=12). They make up (CC=13). The Judge is sentenced to four years in prison. but gets out after seven months. The unexpected part (and not in a good way) is that we never find out is the Judge actually commited the murder he is accused of commiting (oh yeah, i forgot to mention that, like it matters...). The Judge answers his son's previous question about the best lawyer he ever met (you can figure out the answer yourselves, CC=14) and dies (CC=15). The final scene depicts Hank visiting the courtroom where the judge worked, which might mean that he is going to stay there and become the new judge, but I won't count it as a cliche because it isn't clear enough. And that, is the reason this entire list exists. What's even worse is that Duvall was nominated for an Oscar. And, if you were reading one of those "brutally honest" interviews that The Hollywood Reporter featured the week before the Academy Awards, you know that one member of the Academy voted for Duvall, because "Even in a bad picture, he held his own".... They also used to be classmates....).
Rating: 35/100